You Can't Fool The Fat Man — Randy Newman

Sittin' with the fat man Tryin' to get a loan Talkin' about horses And the women that we've known

Spittin' on the sidewalk Squintin' into the sun Greetin' all the people Smilin' at everyone

I said Hey, listen, Fat Man I just can't get a break Must I pay my whole life long For just one mistake?

My brother's in the armed forces My sister is in jail, Won't you give me fifty dollars So I can pay her bail?

He said You Can't Fool The Fat Man No, you can't fool me You're just a two-bit grifter And that's all you'll ever be