Toll Booth Willie — Adam Sandler

Performed by adam sandler, rob schneider, tim meadows, david spade, steve koren, tim herlihy, and margaret ruden

Car Approaches

Toll booth willie: "welcome to worchester. dollar twenty-five please."

M1: "hey, how ya doin toll booth willie? "

Toll booth willie: "good! thanks fer askin, pop!"

M1: "aww, thats great, you know, considering yer a fuckin idiot!"

Pays Toll And Drives Off

Toll booth willie: "go fuck yourself you son of a bitch! Ill come right outta the booth and fuckin whack ya, you fuckin prick!"

Another Car Approaches

M2: "hey, hey, willie! hows it going? "

Toll booth willie: "hey, cant complain, pop. hows bout you? "

M2: "oh, great, great. how much? "

Toll booth willie: "the state charges a dollar twenty-five, pop."

M2: "thats fine. now should I give you the money, or should I shove the quarters directly up your fat ass!? "

Pays Toll And Drives Off

Toll booth willie: "why you fuckin hard on! Ill fucking carlton fisk yer fuckin head with a louise-ville fuckin slugger! whadya think of that ass fuck!? "

Another Car Approaches

F1: "hi willie."

Toll booth willie: "oh, nice to see ya mam. not a bad day, huh? "

F1: "well, Im a little lost. could you help me out? I hear your the best with directions."

Toll booth willie: "well I know my way around new england. I can tell ya that much. so where ya headed? "

F1: "well, I was just wondering exactly which is the best way to drive up your ass. you know, if youd tell me, Id appreciate it, you fuckin prick."

Drives Off

Toll booth willie: "you fuckin bitch! fuck you! you forgot to pay the fuckin toll you dirty whore! Ill fuckin drop you with a boot to the fuckin skull you cum guzzling queen!"

Another Car Approaches

M3: "hey willie."

Toll booth willie: "hey, how are ya? "

M3: "heres a dollar twenty-five, and go fuck yourself."

Pays Toll And Drives Off

Toll booth willie: "dah, you fuckin prick! I hope you choke on a fuckin bottle cap, ya fuckin son of a fuck! eat shit! eat my shit!"

Another Car Approaches

Bishop nelson: "hello willie. good to see you."

Toll booth willie: "ahhh, bishop nelson. nice to see ya. that was quite a sermon you had the other day."

Bishop nelson: "hey, well I do my best."

Toll booth willie: "dollar twenty-five, bishop."

Bishop nelson: "dollar twenty-five, willie. isnt that the same price your mother charges for a blow job, you piece of dog shit!? "

Pays Toll And Drives Off

Toll booth willie: "ohhh! have another one, you fuckin lush! its not my fault the bartender cut ya off last night ya fuckin douche bag!"

Another Car Approaches

M5: "hey!"

Toll booth willie: "well hey!"

M5: "yeah, do you want the money, or should I just shove the quarters directly up your fat ass!? "

Pays Toll And Drives Off

Toll booth willie: "well, I already heard that one you fuckin unoriginal bastard! go suck a corn you fuckin piece of repeatin shit!"

Another Car Approaches

F2: "hi."

Toll booth willie: "oh, hi. how are ya? "

F2: "fine, thank you. how much is the toll please? "

Toll booth willie: "for you sweetheart, its a dollar twenty-five."

F2: "here ya go."

Pays Toll

F2: "thank you."

Begins To Drive Off

Toll booth willie: "hey! hey! honey! would you like a receipt with that? "

F2: "oh, I almost forgot. thank you so much."

Toll Booth Willie Scribbling A Receipt For Her

Toll booth willie: "and here ya are."

F2: "umm, do you think you could sign it? "

Toll booth willie: "oh, uh.. sign it? "

F2: "yeah, sign toll booth willie was here."

Toll booth willie: "ok, sure. uhh, by the way, what is this for? "

Signing Receipt

F2: "just so I could have proof for my friends that I met the biggest fuckin dip shit with the smallest dick alive. you understand."

Drives Off

Crumples Up Paper

Toll booth willie: "fuck you, you fuckin upity bitch! Ill fuckin fuck you and all your lesbian fish-eating friends in front of your fuckin mothers! youre gonna die, bitch! Im comin o

The booth!" [opens the door and runs out of the booth]

Car Screeches And Hits Him

Toll booth willie: "ooooh! my fuckin leg!"

M6: "hey! you ran over toll booth willie!"

M7: "oh my god! I was always wondering what it would be like to run over a

Dried up stinky dick licker."

Toll booth willie: "why you fuckin pricks. I fuckin hear every fuckin word yer saying! when this fuckin leg heals