I'm So Wasted — Adam Sandler

Performed by adam sandler and rob schneider

Sound Of Crickets. Guy Walks Across Grass

Joe: "hey pal! how ya doin? "

M2: "im so wasted, man."

Joe: "yeah, you are, oh ho ho!"

M2: "thanks man."

Joe: "its good party, huh? "

M2: "oh, its great man."

Joe: "hey thats some good acid, huh? "

M2: "oh, killer man."

Joe: "hey, my pleasure."

M2: "ive never been higher."

Joe: "oh ho, you must be freaking out."

M2: "acids great man."

Joe: "its the best."

M2: "everytime I do acid man, Im so high."

Joe: "yeah, oh, you must be flipping out right now."

M2: "this is the best acid, man."

Joe: "what are you seein, man? "

M2: "oh, i, that cloud up there, man."

Joe: "whoa"

M2: "its got a vein in it."

Joe: "oh-holy cow! really!? "

M2: "and its bleeding on me, man."

Joe: "its bleeding on ya? well watch out!"

M2: "look at my hand, man."

Joe: "yeah? "

M2: "it-its moving, but its not moving."

Joe: "its not? "

M2: "its still there, but it looks like its moving."

Joe: "hey, yeah to you it is."

M2: "im so high."

Joe: "yeah, you must be flipping out."

M2: "im flipping out off it."

Joe: "hallucinations, man."

M2: "acid..right."

Joe: "hey, I got some news fer ya."

M2: "im seeing stuff, man."

Joe: "yeah, yer seeing stuff."

M2: "right."

Joe: "well, thats what happens when you take acid, but you know what? "

M2: "what man? "

Joe: "uhhh, that really wasnt acid. that was just a little piece of paper I ripped off of my notebook."

Silence

M2: "wha? its probly this weed Im smokin, man."

Joe: "oh, that weed."

M2: "that thai bud, man."

Joe: "whoa."

M2: [laughing] "everythings hilarious."

Joe: [laughing] "thats funny man. look at that guy."

M2: [laughing] "thats funny man."

Joe: [laughing] "look at that guys hat man."

M2: [laughing] "everythings funny to me, man."

Joe: "right. hey, how man bones didya smoke? a few joints, man? "

M2: "i had about four."

Joe: "whoa, thats a lot of bones to be smokin, man."

M2: "the whole things man."

Joe: "yeah, you sucked em down yerself."

M2: "aint that hilarious!? "

Joe: "you didnt wanna share, didja? "

M2: "it was great stuff, man."

Joe: "aww, yeah, hey I got some news on that stuff too."

M2: "hey what man? "

Joe: "thats the stuff I sold you, right?

M2: "yeah, right."

Joe: "yeah"

M2: "its funny, man."

Joe: "well, well, uh.."

M2: "im wasted off it, man."

Joe: "yeah, well thats good. you smoked it, right? "

M2: "right."

Joe: "well that really wanst weed."

Pause

Joe: "no it wasnt, it was pencil shavings in a bag."

Silence

Joe: "yeah."

M2: "well, its probably this beer. this beer Im drinking, man. I must be drunk off it or something. ya know, I had about eighteen of them, man."

Joe: "whoa, oh really!? "

M2: "im just..wasted off em."

Joe: "thats a lot of beer for a man to drink."

M2: "man, I gotta pea pretty soon, man."

Joe: "you didnt dump em out in the woods, didja? "

M2: "no..no..no.. I drank all of them."

Joe: "right, yeah. I saw you..thats good. hey didja eat today? "

M2: "no, Im on an empty stomach."

Joe: "whoa, you must be ..yea.. extra buzz for you."

M2: "..and thats why Im so wasted off it man, its like Im seeing things, man."

Joe: "yeah, you can hardly stand, man."

M2: "you should take my car keys, cuz I cant drive, man."

Joe: "right, right."

M2: "i can barely walk."

Joe: "hey man, you better open those eyes up, theyre half shut."

M2: "theres two of you, man. I cant see anymore, man, Im blind!"

Joe: "right.. I got the beers, huh? Im the man, right? "

M2: "yeah, you are the man."

Joe: "say it. say Im the man."

M2: "yer da man!!"

Joe: "okay, well that beer.."

M2: "yeah? "

Joe: "there was no alcohol in that beer."

Pause

Joe: "that was non-alcoholic. so..uhh..again, Im gonna have to bust you on this one. youre lying."

Silence

M2: [mumbling] "ill be right back